Two Hundred Seventy

Today was pretty productive. I got my stuff I’m trying to sell on craigslist. I mailed off my rent for October to Tricia!!!! (<best part about the day) And I lost over a pound this week! Booyah. I am pretty sure it all came off the last 2 days, which just exploits how awful I was eating all week. Whatevs. MONTEREY IN 6 DAYS. I am out of money…. BUT hopefully the next two days are somehow extremely profitable. It’s a very odd situation, because I am over the moon about almost being back in Monterey, but I am stressed to the max about money. It’s kind of exhausting. I have been going to sleep at like 11pm and have slept 9 hours a night every night this week and still don’t feel well rested. Maybe it’s the pollution finally shutting down my vital organs. Who knows? Time to veg.

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Two Hundred Sixty Nine

Well, I guess today was alright. Tomorrow is weigh in Wednesday. I don’t know what I should expect. The last two days my diet has been super amazing. We’ll see I guess. I feel fatter than ever. I don’t have much else to talk about other than me being stressed and how much of a dumbass I am. I’m extremely tired. Off to bed.

Two Hundred Sixty Eight

I AM SO STRESSED OUT. BLARG! I honestly don’t know how I’m gonna pull this move off. I am almost certain I will not have enough money. FUCK. I don’t know what to do. I guess I’ll just have to figure it out when the time comes. I sent in my resume to my #1 job choice today. So that’s good, I guess. I just feel super fucking stupid. Why did I buy those stupid jeans? Why did I go back to the fair and spend a shit ton of money? Why did I buy that nail polish? Why did I buy that fucking lip stick? Why is the only drink I like at Starbucks that I drink almost everyday 5 fuckin dollars? Stupid. Stupid girl. I hope this is a busy work at work! Because I need it. Shit man I just need it to be one week and 2 days into the future and I’ll be happy. ‘Til then, I’m on code red for stressed out and need a God damn drink.

Two Hundred Sixty Seven

Oh my gawd today was super long and tiring. It was good though. I had a good time at the fair, even though it was super fuckin hot. I rode the bull, I ate the fried stuff, I made llama friends, I petted a wallaby. I have definitely fulfilled my fairy needs. Although today was a good day, I am feeling pretty overwhelmed by all of the stuff I need to do before I leave. I am definitely super stressed about money. I’m also pretty low on the self esteem totem at the moment. I feel awful about myself. But, what’s new? I am more than ready to get the fuck out of this city. Even though this is going to be my last week at work, I am not ready for tomorrow. If I didn’t have to get my pay check on Friday, I wouldn’t even go this week. I’m tired and have a lot to do and just want to sleep. I’m gonna go to sleep pretty soon becaussee… I’m over it. Peace out.

Two Hundred Sixty Six

Happy first official day of Fall!!!! I am overly thrilled. Cute pony tail? Check. Cardigan? Check. Dark wash jeans? Check. Riding boots? Double check. I’m fuckin set up! AND it’s over cast today. With all that being said, I really don’t want to go to work tonight. Ugghhaa. I just wanna chill out for the rest of the day on the couch watching Iron Chef. I need to do my nails before work, but that seems like a lot of work. Can I just be lazy please??? ….No. I went to lunch, and like I said before, I have work later, but other than that I have no plans for today. But tomorrow I’m going back to the fair! Yesss. I’ll get to do all the stuff I wanted to do. Like EAT. And pet things. Man I am ready for this last week of work. I will be pretty pumped when I know I don’t ever have to go back. Monday is going to be my “get moving shit done” day. I’ll need to call my cable and PG&E people to tell them I need to cancel service. I need to send in an application to the property management place to be on the lease for the house in Monterey. I’ll need to call my top picks for where I want to work in Monterey and inquire about open positions. And I’ll need to put some stuff on craigslist to sell before I leave. We are closing in on moving day! I don’t think there are words to describe how excited I am. Alright, I got stuff to do. Peace out.

Two Hundred Sixty Five

I just couldn’t resist the big baggy T-shirt in between shifts today. I am pretty tired. I slept a normal amount last night, but it’s been a long week. I really want to go back to the fair because on Wednesday I didn’t get to do all the dumb fair stuff I wanted to do. Like the petting zoo or the elephant rides or the mechanical bull or the super fucked up fried food. BUT I am worried about having enough money to move, so I’d rather save as much money as possible. Paying for admission and then all the stuff would be around 50 dollars probably. The pessimist in me is pretty positive that if I do go back to the fair, I’ll be about 45 dollars short of the amount I need to get my stuff up there, because that’s how it always is, but if I don’t I’ll somehow have an extra 100 bucks or something. *SIGH. Fuckin A. Speaking of super fucked up food, I seriously can’t stop eating shit. Like my motivation and will power and self control have completely gone out the window. And the super fucked part of it is that I almost don’t even feel guilty anymore when I eat bullshit. I don’t really know how to fix it. I know that little relapses like this is extremely common for people losing weight, but they suck. I really, really, really hope being in Monterey rekindles my fire. Losing weight is so hard. It’s also a little different because I am, of course, hypoglycemic. My body doesn’t process things like most peoples’ bodies do. Like my normal diet, when I am being good, is immaculate. If a person who wasn’t hypoglycemia ate that way, they’d be so freakin skinny with out even exercising. But since my blood sugar is SO low all of the time that when I eat like 35 carbs in a meal, even if they’re from veggies, instead of my body pulling them through me and burning them for energy, they are automatically absorbed as fat or stored away because my stupid body thinks it’s in “starvation mode” all the fuckin time. So that added struggle makes it especially hard. I don’t even know if it’s possible for me to get as thin as I want to be. I guess only time will tell. Or maybe it won’t. Whatever. I have to go make stupid food before stupid work. Hasta.

Two Hundred Sixty Four

Ohmygoodness. Today is over. I am so glad. I was up way too late last night and had to get up way too early today and work way too long. I am fuckin tired. It was totally worth it, though. The fair was great. I think I might have to go back to eat more, though. Last night I only ate a pulled pork sandwich and some gelato. NOT ENOUGH FOOD. At all. I need some deep fried everything. I wish I had some deep fried everything right now. But instead I have Glee! Yes.