Oy Vey.

Oh yes, this is my reminiscent 2011 post. What a mudda fuggin year. It definitely seems like every year I say to myself, “I cannot believe I made it through this year. I hope this next year is better.” And I’m not sure if I can accurately title a year as “my worst year”, but I’m not sure I can accurately title a year as “my best year,” either. I think the only way to measure the greatness of a year is to reflect on how it changed you. How you got through the hard times, if you appreciated the good times, how your opinions changed, the people you gained, the people you left, and why any of it matters. For me, I know that I am more focused and have more ambition than I have this entire year. I have an intimidating goal for my career, I have old friends around me, I’ve started eating properly for my hypoglycemic needs, and I have a job that I don’t hate going to. I have a lot to get done this next year, but I’m optimistic about it all. I’ll need to get a second job, I’ll need to move into my own place, I’ll need to get all my school stuff in order so I can go to BC in the fall, I’ll need to make sure I can afford to go to BC in the fall, and I’ll need to keep my eating habits in order. I’ll also be turning 21, so, I’ll have to make sure not to die when that party happens. Tomorrow starts my 365 day project. I am pretty pumped about it. I have already lost three pounds since Tuesday, but this is not going to be a weight loss blog. It’s just {hopefully} going to be happening at the same time. 2011 included dropping out of college, having to move back to Bakersfield, being in a serious relationship for the first time in a long time, moving to Florida, that same relationship failing, moving back to Bakersfield from Florida, and having to start all over for the third time this year. I’ll continue to miss my best friend everyday, I’ll continue to miss my friends up North everyday, but I’m not going to let my current situation effect my feelings toward my future. Bring it the fuck on, 2012.

And it begins again..

Today I have started the first day of my hypoglycemic diet. UGH. It’s really not all that bad, but it still sucks. And the first days are always the worst. And I was diagnosed in high school, so I really should have a few years under my belt of being super healthy and awesome, I just uhh, didn’t. So I’ve done this to myself. In case you are unfamiliar of what hypoglycemia is, it’s a blood sugar condition that is the exact opposite of diabetes. Every few hours my blood sugar drops to an extreme low, about 72, and I have to eat to get it back up to normal, about 100. The only issue is that if I eat some thing with excess sugar, card, caffeine, or alcohol, then it will spike my insulin levels too severely and I become extremely sleepy and sick. And it is basically just a vicious circle since I pretty much neglect the rules. IE: “Oh man I feel like shit. {irritated, tired, sick, sluggish} I need to eat.” *insert visual of me eating, lets say, some Chinese food* “Oh man I feel like shit again. {sleepy beyond repair, headache from hell} Why the fuck did I eat that?” And this happens pretty much every day at some point. Es no bueno. Technically, anyone can get hypoglycemia. But the difference between someone who doesn’t have hypoglycemia and me, is that it should take a person a few days for their blood sugar to drop into the 70’s. Mine gets to that level after a few short hours. So as of today I will be eating in accordance to my issue so I don’t die or something. My diet now consists of low card veggies, low sugar fruits, high protein, low dairy and definitely zero processed foods. Oh, but there’s no way I’m gonna stop drinkin booze… fuck that.

BitterSweet

Oh man, Christmas is over. I feel relieved that it’s over, but it’s always a little sad. This was the most nontraditional Christmas of my entire life. Mom is gone up North so the house is empty, there was no Christmas Eve party at my grandma’s house for the first time in my life, I spent Christmas Day making dinner and playing hide and go seek with my best friends, and I didn’t get to see my grandpa because on his way up the my grandma’s this morning his brother called him and asked him to take him to the hospital because he was short of breath. He is scheduled for open heart surgery on January 4th, but they will probably do it within the next few days since he is having such complications. I am more worried about the effect it’s going to have on my grandpa if his brother dies than the fact that my great uncle might die. My grandpa is already depressed. He is either crying or flying off the handle and he isn’t in the best of health. He’s the only fatherly example I’ve ever had. When he dies, I will be so heart broken. But if he dies sad, I will live sad. All I can hope for is that he puts his pride aside and gets what he needs to be happy again… something besides Ambien. Another thing that was missing from this year was my best friend Bre. She’s my sister from another mister. With out her, I wouldn’t be half the person I am today. She’s in New Mexico, and obviously, that’s where I should be too. Even though this year was different from all the others, I got to spend the night at my grandma’s house, which I haven’t done since I was a child and it was amazing, I made a bitchin dinner for the boys I care for the most, and I played silly dumb games with my best friends and had the most fun I’ve had all month. Now I just gotta get through New Years. My resolution last year was, for once, to not have a stupid lame ass New Years this year and uhh, I don’t think that’s gonna happen. Pretty sure this is gonna be a sober, boring, “woo hoo midnight. Ok I’m goin home”, New  Years. Again. So if you’re planing to party down and get wasted, hit me up.. please.

Christmas Craziness

Holidays are always crazy. Mine just got significantly more complicated. Since I got this job I couldn’t go to the Christmas Eve party at my grandma’s house this year. It’s been at her house since.. forever. And it bummed me out, but sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do. Well, I guess this year has kind of sucked for everyone. Everyone in the fam bam has either had back surgery or they’re out of town or whatever. So with out me it would have been my grandpa, grandma, and my grandpa’s brother, who is having heart surgery in January. Yeap. Pretty kickin crowd. So since I wasn’t going to be there, there was going to be no Christmas. And since my grandpa works all day Christmas Eve and couldn’t do a day thing, my grandma was treating him “like the god damn grinch..”. So me and my grandpa made a plan. Now I am going to head up the hill after I get off of work on Christmas Eve, spend the night, and have Christmas morning with them, and then head back down to Bako and start cooking for Christmas dinner with the boys. So… lots of Christmas this year! I love Christmas, so I am glad I’m doing something with the family. Nothing will top the insanity of last years though. I worked from 6:30 AM to 3:00 PM on Christmas Eve and then 1:00 PM to 10:00 PM Christmas Day, in Monterey. So I left after work on Christmas Eve, drove my friend to Fresno so she could be with her family, drove to Bakersfield, then drove to Tehachipi, had Christmas, drove back to Bako and slept for a while, then got up in the morning and headed to Monterey to be at work by 1. It was crazy! But it was worth it. They mean a lot to me. Even though one takes enough Vicodin a day to kill a small horse and the other is a strict, impossible to please asshole. But they’re mine and I’m theirs and somehow we all love each other and that’s all that matters.

Working for Italians isn’t all that bad…

What an interesting day. Mom left, so the emptiness of the house was a little strange, ate a cookie for breakfast so you know it’s gonna be an exciting day when that happens. It was ddeelliiccciiouuss. Had to go to Office Max to make copies of my life for my first night of work. And then I found out that my social security card was gone out of my wallet. It’s been there for years, in the same little sleeve, along with my insurance card. But not today. Not when I need it to get a freakin job. So after I had my little “wtf kind of shit is this” fit, I finally got my copies done and went home to veg before my first shift. Part of me was nervous, but then I remembered I’ve fuckin owned very job I ever had and I got over it. And uhhh, turns out I was right. The shift went well and I have a feeling I may actually like this job. I know, I was expecting the Apocalypse, too. Turns out it’s just a laid ass back job where I seat extremely wealthy people and then process they’re extremely outrageous bills. Oh, and apparently when you’re old as dirt and from Italy, you think “Riannon” sounds like “Miama.”  Whatever.