Two Hundred Nineteen

Hmm. What an interesting day. Work was fine. Didn’t make nearly enough money as I wanted/needed to, which worries me, but oh well I guess. The after noon was alright too, I suppose. The second recipe on Healthy Bitch is posted, so that’s good. At some point earlier this evening I slipped into a really disappointing {but oh so fucking familiar} state of mind. Sad, mad, depressed, dead inside, no hope for the future, self abusive, cold. I’m not sure what triggers it or why it seems to always come out of nowhere, but I really hate it. The negative thoughts just never end. It makes me want to give up on everything. I just want to lay in bed all day, everyday, and never get up, or see the sunshine, or talk to anyone, or ever really have any kind of human function every again. Annndd that all somehow seems like a totally reasonable situation right now. It’s easy to give up though, and lemme tell you, there’s nothing easy about bettering your self. So, I guess I’ll continue on with my life as planned, but just so you know, I’ll be pissed about it the whole way.

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