One Hundred Seventy Three

Happy Summer Solstice everyone!!!! I would say that today lasted forever, but y’all already new that. I get to sleep in tomorrow… soo muuccchh yeeessssss. I am worn the fuck out. I went grocery shopping tonight. Thank baby Jesus. I am getting back on the diet wagon. I feel like shiittt. I am going back to being super strict too. I am cutting out a lot of stuff. Starbucks, greek yogurt, a lot of frozen yogurt,… pretty much everything that I have come to depend on for sanity. I am incorporating more fish and other veggies. I’m going to buy a blender so I can have smoothies. I am going to go buy almond meal so I can have “pancakes”… a lot of new exciting things. I am also going to start doing more at the gym. My routines in the beginning consisted of weights, running, cycling, stair masters… now we just do running circuits and strength training. I want to be bad ass again. Anndd I will be. I really need to be skinny. Like… badly. There were a couple pictures taken of me that were candid… anndd.. my fuckin gawd. So bad. I still look SO bad, you guys!!! It’s so angering!!! I felt like I looked good… and then saw pictures and looked super fat and hella ugly. I just can’t accept that that’s how I look as a whole to other people. It legitimately makes me sad and I don’t know how to fix it. I’m hoping being skinnier will help me not think I look terrible. I just hate still being big after losing 35 pounds. It’s so not even good enough yet. UGHAFUCK. Maybe it’s my extreme impatience making me extra anxious about it all. Whhaatteevveerr. I’m here to fuck shit up. BAMF out.

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