One Hundred Thirty

Welp, here it is. The “skinny girl” dress that I so regretfully described for buying. I wore it today. Like out in public and everything. You know why? Because I lost 4.1 fucking pounds this week. It. Was. Amazing. I weighed myself four times because I didn’t believe it. That puts me at 163.6. Only 4.6 pounds away from the 150’s (holy fuck) and only 5.5 pounds away from my 40 pound goal! Oh my gawd, I am so close you guys. I can taste the victory!! It tastes like sweet revenge. Revenge on every boy, girl, bitch, asshole, crush, random kid, and relative that has ever made me cry or feel like shit for being fat and ugly. it also feels like revenge on myself for allowing myself to be that way in the first place. I almost have all of them beaten. I do feel like I want to lose more than 5.5 pounds though, so I’m not stopping at 40 pounds, it will just be awesome to finally meet a god damn goal. The last few years have been so stupid and shitty that it will be the first milestone on my path to being as bad ass as possible. It’s times like this morning (*cough cough noon.. ) that I appreciate the decisions I had made throughout the week. Like all he times I decided to not give into cravings. All the times I decided to go work out even though I was exhausted. Even last night me and a friend ended up at Denny’s at 3:30 am and all I wanted in the world was french toast and a chocolate milkshake. I really don’t think you understand how much every fiber of my being needed those things. But I had to fight it and I did. I got some eggs and fruit because I knew how guilty and sad I would be if I gave into my craving. It’s just one choice at a time. That’s the easiest way to look at it. If I think about it as a life time deprivation of delicious food it becomes depressing, but if I look at it as just making the right choice one choice at  time then it is significantly less daunting. All in all today was pretty sweet. I didn’t really have to do much, aanndd I didn’t. Tomorrow it’s back to the daily grind though. Workin’ both jobs all weekend, gettin’ it at the gym,… not sleeping in. Ugh. I just want to be rich and chill forever. Hopefully that will happen soon.

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