One Hundred Twenty One

What a strange day. I checked this morning and I was informed that I didn’t qualify for any financial aid for the 2012-2013 school year. It was pretty disappointing. Some tears have been shed over it, but I’m staying strong and evaluating what I need to do next. Since I’ll be 21 in June, I am going to resubmit my FAFSA with my own info and see if there isn’t something I can do. Maybe I will be able to start in the Spring, instead of waiting all the way until next Fall. Also, there is a new FAFSA reform that is only paying up to 8 semesters. So if I do end up getting school started again and I am at BC for 2 years and then I have to be at whatever university for 3 years, then my last entire year will all be out of my own pocket. I’m no psychic, but I’m pretty positive I wont be able to shell out 20,000 dollars for that last year. So part of me just wants to give up because it would be incredibly disappointing and pointless to once again not be able to finish school. I am just kind of at a loss. I am going to try and try and try to get back into school as soon as possible, but at the moment it’s a forced want. I don’t really have any hope for that aspect of my life anymore and I just want to move on and figure out what my plan is that doesn’t involve a college degree, but I know that’s the wrong way to look at it. I paid rent today. It is all taken care of. Except now I have no money for the week. I know I kind of talked about this yesterday, but stretching 2 days worth of food into 5 days of food is a little bit of a problem when I’m supposed to eat every 3-4 hours. I’m already feeling the woozy effects. It’s not that I’ve never had to survive off of like 10 dollars for an entire week before, it’s that I’ve never had to do it while eating correctly for my body. Before I could spend 2 dollars a day on a McDouble or some shit like that. Or even gone and bought some sandwich stuff for that week and it was fine, but that kind of stuff isn’t an option any more. I can’t eat those things and the food I need isn’t that frugally accessible. And now that I’m eating according to my hypoglycemic needs, when I start needing food, I NEED food. There is not a gradual decline, I am fine and then I am dying, so it worries me because I don’t want it to affect my ability to do my jobs or to find the energy to work out. This is definitely going to be a challenging week life. I guess I’ll keep trying to be victorious over it.

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