Ninety Four

Ok. So. Boot camp. Lets talk about it. For one: it may have been one of the hardest workouts I have ever had to do, softball years included. Two: I am already sore everywhere. I have never been sore ALL over my body at the same time before. Three: I am SO excited to keep doing it and improving and, lets be honest, I can really only go up from how I did today. We ended up going on fitness test day! YAY. I did not do well, like.. or even half ok. I did bad. Just sad and bad. I didn’t think I would do well my first day, but I definitely thought I could do more than 1 sit up. I could only do 1 sit up. As embarrassing as it was, it’s extremely informative. I don’t want to know these things, but I need to know these things so I can improve. Tomorrow is kind of a big day. It’s weigh in day and it’s mile day! I explained it a few weeks ago, but me and Wes decided that every month we would shave at least 30 seconds off of our mile. It seems like each week is going by faster and the amount of time I have to get in good work outs is getting shorter. Hopefully stepping it up by going to boot camp today will kick start good weight loss again. On an extremely darker note. I was informed today that my uncle, Kurt, hung himself yesterday. He wasn’t one if my parent’s siblings, he was my aunt’s brother on my grandpa’s side. So, we weren’t close. I am upset by the fact that someone who was related to me was in a dark enough place to kill themselves. I wouldn’t say that I feel any guilt, but I definitely feel a sense of disappointment, in him and myself. I am not sad because of his death, I am sad because of how hurt I know his family is. His sister, my aunt Kelly, is married to a great man Ray and have three amazing grown children who are my cousins, and they are honestly some of the best human beings I have ever known and probably will ever know. They are Christians, completely loving, happy, accepting, and selfless. I am an open Atheist, but the love they have for everyone and the good things they happily do for people less fortunate makes me admire them. They are what Christians are supposed to be. Kurt was manic depressive, he struggled for a long time. Sometimes bad things happen to good people. Unfortunately his mental illness has ended in tragedy for both him and his loved ones. I hurt for them. I can only begin to imagine the hurt they are feeling. I know they are feeling confusion, sadness, hurt, guilt, anger, and heart break. They don’t deserve it. As much as I am empathetic towards Kurt with his decision, I am more disappointed in what the way he chose to go because he has deeply hurt a lot of people that only deserve good things. With that being said, my love goes out to my family and my love goes out to Kurt. I truly hope that he is in a better place and that he has found peace. I hope, for his sake, that God had mercy on his soul.

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