Eighty

IT’S BIGGEST LOSER TIME! IT’S BIGGEST LOSER TIME! IT’S DADDY’S FAVORITE SHOW! IT’S DADDY’S FAVORITE SHOW! So, if you haven’t figured it out I am watching The Biggest Loser while I write this. Uggghhhhhhh tomorrow is weigh in ddaaayyy. Do not want. I have been really bad with food these last few days. I could not stop eating at work today. It was like yogurt samples every 5 minutes. Hopefully it doesn’t totally fuck me. I am SO stressed about money. Seriously, I cried in the shower for like 20 minutes last night about it. Mostly because if something happens to where I can’t afford to live on my own any longer and I have to move back in with my mom, I will be at the end of my emotional rope. I would have to move up to Redding with her and live on the mountain with her and Gabriel. I just could not do that. That is not the life style I want, at all. I want school, I want money, I want a city, I want friends, I want independence. None of those things would be available up there. I couldn’t imagine having to come up with another plan because I fucked up the current one again. I have done that 3 times in the last two years. I really can’t have any more failure in my life for a while. I do believe that every bad thing that happens to me will eventually result in something positive, but if I fail at this I will just not be able to see the silver lining. I wasn’t as worried about it because my mom told me that if money was short that she could always help me a little as long as she was still working, which was going to be until the end of May. Well she texted me today that she put in her two weeks this morning. So as of next Friday she will be unemployed, which means she won’t be able to help me out at all. So I guess it’s just the stress of the security blanket being gone. I am pretty positive money is going to be short this month, not really sure by how much yet, but it is definitely going to be tight. I got a very inspiring message today from a friend regarding weight loss though. She shared a quote with me that I would like to share with you guys. “Real change happens, when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of changing.” Imma leave you guys with that. Gooooooood night.

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