Sixty Eight

Well today has been good. 🙂 I got to sleep in, got some chores done, ran some errands, drinking coffee and eating raw matcha peppermint cacao {omfg Lassens where have you been all my life?!}. After this blog is finished I am going to go home and chill out until work, then it’s off to the gym to work off some of San Jose’s damage. So I have this dress that I had bought about a year ago, its a very pretty white spaghetti strap dress with tiny navy anchors all of it. The back is two pieces of fabric that tie behind you, so it is a pretty revealing dress. Anyway, when I had bought it, I loved it, but it was one of those things that I knew I would look incredible in if I were thinner. One of those, “I’ll wear it when I’m skinny and it will be awesome,” purchases. I only wore it once because I never felt confident enough to be the fat girl in the little dress, it has been in my closet staring at me everyday for a year. I put it on this morning out of pure curiosity and now it is too big. It wasn’t too small before, but it just wasn’t fat girl appropriate. Now if I want to wear it I am going to have to get it tailored. It feels like I have won. It really does. Even though I am not where I want to be weight wise yet, I feel like I have finally won my life long battle with weight. I have figured it out and made it my bitch. I don’t think I will ever gain the weight back like I have done countless times in the past. Yesterday my boss asked me what made me so committed about losing weight this time as compared to the other times, and I couldn’t really articulate an answer. I guess it is just different for everyone. There have been multiple times in my past when I have sworn to myself that the weight was going to come off and I was going to be the girl I always wanted to be and within a week or two it would fade away and I would go back to old habits. It was an interesting, extremely weakening dynamic. I am still dealing with certain issues, like resisting eating for comfort, but for the first time ever I am not afraid of it. I am not expecting my ever impending doom of when I cave and eat a PB&J and that sends me back down to the bottom of the rabbit hole. I honestly can’t say what changed, all I can really tell people is get as educated as possible about nutrition and start respecting yourself. The one thing that makes me cringe the most is when people have mislead perceptions about food and weight loss. If anyone ever has any questions about food or diet I am more than happy to inform you. I know my shit people. And if you don’t at least respect yourself then you will never do what’s best for yourself. Think of the person that you respect and love the most, and then treat yourself the way you treat them. Make it a daily habit and I promise it will start to change the way you feel about yourself. This is some deep shit y’all! Maybe a little too serious to be blogging about at Starbucks, or maybe not serious enough? I am not sure. I am off to do nothing! But seriously, if anyone needs any help get at me. Stay sweet, world.

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