Thirty Nine

God dammit. God fucking shit bitch dammit. Weighed myself this morning and I only lost .6 pounds this week. Yeeep. Point-fuckin-six. I can honestly say I do not know why I only lost .6 pounds this week. I have a few theories, but I can’t really pinpoint a reason. My first thought is that is it because I lost a good amount last week, so this week was low, but it hasn’t ever happened this drastically before. And my second theory is that I started eating these Lara Bars this last week so they added more carbs to my diet, but I only eat half of one at a time, and besides Magic Mountain where I still only ate one all day, I have only been eating half of one after working out to replenish. They are also one of the healthiest bars you can get. They are soy free, gluten free, Kosher, zero sugar, sweeteners, and a bunch of other stuff. The ones that I got only have three ingredients. Other then introducing those, my food has been pretty on point all week. I worked out harder in the last three days than I have in the last month and a half. I am really just at a loss. I feel sad, angry, disappointed, irritated, and defeated. I suppose the only thing I can do is just keep doing all the good things and hopefully next week things will be better. If not I’ll have to really figure out what the issue is and refine it. I haven’t decided if I will continue to eat the bars this week. This week is going to be the first of many tricky weeks, because I will be starting Yogurtland. So There will be days when I’ll have to be out at Yogurtland in the morning and be there until the afternoon, but then head straight over to Moma Toscas for work. So other than having to get ready for Moma Toscas in the car or somewhere, I’ll have to make sure I cook and bring food that I can have throughout the day because I wont be home for 12-15 hours. I could go to Chipotle right next door on a break or whatever, but once I move into my own place I’m definitely not going to be able to afford that everyday. It’s definitely safe to say that the easiest part of this next step in my life is over and it’s going to difficult from here on out. I think I’m ready for it. Do I have a choice? No. Just gotta peel myself off of the floor and be ready for anything. Through the many new struggles I’ve faced from the last few years, I have developed a strong belief that things always work out somehow. Something that seems terrible always leads to something a little bit better. I just hope the little bit better doesn’t avoid me for too long.

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