Twenty Seven

I hate nature, I hate it so much. Today is far worse than yesterday, but oh well. Woke up in a totally bad mood and have just gotten to the point of apathy for the most part. I really don’t have enough energy to care. I did have the energy to take that damn picture and go to Target. I must say my skin looks amazing since my body is going through it’s hormonal cycle. So, yeah silver lining and all that shit. Mom stayed home today, which could be why I woke up in such a bad mood. When she’s here at like 10 am and I’m asleep she likes to come in my room, sit on my bed, and tell me about her morning. And all I want to do is continue sleeping, but she wakes me up and so the cramps start, the back pain starts, and the overall hatred of being alive starts. But whatever. I am making chocolate chip and toasted almond biscottis tomorrow. I’m excited to bake. I haven’t ever made biscottis before, so it should be pretty fun. I’m making them for Moma. It’s her 86th birthday tomorrow and all I really have to give people is food, so I figured, “What Italian doesn’t like home made Italian cookies? I’ll make her biscottis.” Hopefully they’re good enough for her, since she is from Italy and has probably had hundreds of amazing authentic biscottis. I need an excuse to make french macaroons also, so, if any of you have a birthday coming up and want some let me know. I’ve decided that I am not going to have a weight loss goal for this week. I haven’t worked out because of the death ravaging my body and, I haven’t been particularly bad with food this week, I just don’t really feel like making food. I’ve decided I’m just gonna be happy with what I can get this week. I did look at bikinis while I was at Target today just for funsies, and I was completely intimidated. I’m not sure that I’ll ever look good in one of those things. There’s just such little fabric and so much body, just out there, for people to see…. it stresses me out. Hopefully I’ll be able to wear one and look decent once in my life, but only time will tell. And no one panic, next week I’ll be back to being a bad ass.

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