Thirty One

Yeeaah I’m still sick, but today I am just nauseous. All of the other symptoms seem to be gone. I suppose that’s better… I’m not really sure. Tomorrow should be interesting. I have to weigh myself (holy crap) and I am supposed to get my tax return. From what I hear it probably won’t get here on the day it was estimated, but it’ll be cool if it does. It will be interesting to see how much I weigh tomorrow. Since I was uhh.. “sick” for most of the week, my body was retaining water and I was having crazy cravings and all that jazz, but since I have been actually sick the last few days I haven’t eaten a whole lot due to just not having an appetite. And because of those things, I was not able to exercise at all. I don’t have a goal, but I would be thrilled with one pound seeming as how I didn’t exercise for a whole week. They say 80% of weight loss is what you eat, but this was my fifth week so I’m pretty sure exercise is important this far into it. Since this sickness kind of came out of no where the theory that it is some crazy reaction to my diet has been brought up. I suppose this could make sense, but it’s been 5 weeks. If it was going to make me sick it should have happened way before this. Whatever, I just hope it goes away soon. I have a 7 am orientation on Saturday for Yogurtland. Even though I already know everything they still want everyone to come. I don’t really mind, but it is going to suck waking up at 5am. So, my mom’s new plan is that she is going to buy another property up north and live on that. It’s on the same road Gabe and Raven live on and apparently it already has all the stuff, like a well and septic, that she was going to pay to get on the old property. But she has to do it really soon. So instead of her leaving in May, she would be leaving around March. She is going to quit her job at the end of February and start the moving process. I listed the trailer on craigslist a few days ago, but we haven’t gotten any contact about it. Hopefully she can sell it soon. I was planning on moving out in March anyway, so I guess it works out. Knowing my mom her plans will probably change before any of this happens. *SIGH My life is so strange.



Holy crap I’m dying. Last night I started feeling awful. I had one of the worst head aches ever for like 4 hours, my lymph nodes swelled up, I couldn’t stand or walk with out feeling like I was gonna pass out, my neck was crazy stiff, my ears are stuffed up and my kidneys were killing me. I’m not feeling too much better today, I don’t have the light headedness that I had yesterday, but everything else is still goin strong. I also slept 16.5 hours today. My mom pulling into the drive way after work at 4pm woke me up. Yeeaahh, I was a little surprised. I still feel tired and weak. I’m drinking all of the water I can, but I don’t have much of an appetite. In the last couple of days I have probably eaten around 1,000 calories. With that being said, I am going to go get frozen yogurt tonight. I think it will feel really good on my throat.(HA) And maybe getting out and moving around will make me feel better. If I don’t feel better tomorrow I’m going to go to urgent care. I wouldn’t usually, but the kidney pain has me kind of freaked out. I’ve never had that be a symptom before. My mom said that one of her coworkers has had similar symptoms and it was because of a punctured ear drum. That would definitely suck, but I really don’t think that’s it. I guess I’ll find out. Wish me luck.

Twenty Nine

God damn, today was less than good. Woke up at 1:30 pm, which I wasn’t particularly thrilled about, didn’t feel well or like making eggs so I just had an apple, then a couple hours later convinced my mom to go to AT&T with me so we could see about an upgrade (I will explain why this is so stupid in a minute), then drove her a few places while my blood sugar dropped off the face of the Earth, and finally made it home to be here super pissed and bored and fat feeling. I did make some food a little while later and I do feel much better now. So, I have been wanting a smart phone for a long time now. And I don’t have one of those situations where I can be like, “I want a smart phone, lets go get smart phones mom.” So I have to wait until there is an upgrade available and then go in to a store and blah blah blah bitch. I’ve been wanting one more and more lately so I drag my mom out of her room to go to the AT&T store with me, because I can’t do anything to my plan with out her there, and we got there and it’s packed. So one of the employees takes down our name and the reason we are there. We told the guy we wanted to see about an upgrade. So finally someone comes up to us to help us and confirms that we want an upgrade. Lemme just recap, we have told them we want an upgrade twice now. K. Sooo my mom continues with some questions about our plan and how a smart phone would change it, once again, an upgrade themed conversation. She then takes us to her computer and she changes the plan to the one my mom wanted and after being there for around an hour, she says “Ok, so you guys do have an upgrade available, but you have to pay your bill that was due a few days ago first.” There is a minute of silence. Finally my mom says she hasn’t paid that yet and asked if they can do it anyway. So the bitch leaves and comes back and says no. So we left. Yea. It’s not the fact that I didn’t get a phone, it’s the fact that we literally told them the minute we walked in about wanting an upgrade and the bitch was looking at our account for a fucking HOUR and she never brought up that there was a balance to be paid to get the upgrade. Complete waste of freakin time. And also, it’s like… Mom. Why the fuck wouldn’t you use your brain to be like, “oh, I haven’t paid that bill yet, they probably won’t let us do an upgrade.” I was just so pissed at the whole situation. And my blood sugar was incredibly low. Not a great combination. Anyway, I’m home now. I bought a purse from Urban Outfitters to make the day better. So that’s something to be excited about. I am just not pumped about life in general lately, though. I’m pretty sure I haven’t lost any weight this week. Life just keeps getting in my way. Hopefully I can get my mojo back soon.

Twenty Eight

Frick I’m tired. Got a few hours of sleep and then baked a butt load of biscottis this morning. They’re for Moma, it’s her birthday. I also baked enough to bring in to work for everyone. They are prettttyy delicious. They are a little trickier then I thought they would be. They probably definitely won’t be impressed with how Italian and authentic the biscottis are, but at least they are crunchy and taste good. What more can you really ask for? I wish I could eat some, but I’ve had a few broken corners. I think the next time I make them I am going to make savory ones. Mmmmm. Other than that, my day has been completely uneventful. I have to get ready for work now. 😦 I don’t wanna go.

Twenty Seven

I hate nature, I hate it so much. Today is far worse than yesterday, but oh well. Woke up in a totally bad mood and have just gotten to the point of apathy for the most part. I really don’t have enough energy to care. I did have the energy to take that damn picture and go to Target. I must say my skin looks amazing since my body is going through it’s hormonal cycle. So, yeah silver lining and all that shit. Mom stayed home today, which could be why I woke up in such a bad mood. When she’s here at like 10 am and I’m asleep she likes to come in my room, sit on my bed, and tell me about her morning. And all I want to do is continue sleeping, but she wakes me up and so the cramps start, the back pain starts, and the overall hatred of being alive starts. But whatever. I am making chocolate chip and toasted almond biscottis tomorrow. I’m excited to bake. I haven’t ever made biscottis before, so it should be pretty fun. I’m making them for Moma. It’s her 86th birthday tomorrow and all I really have to give people is food, so I figured, “What Italian doesn’t like home made Italian cookies? I’ll make her biscottis.” Hopefully they’re good enough for her, since she is from Italy and has probably had hundreds of amazing authentic biscottis. I need an excuse to make french macaroons also, so, if any of you have a birthday coming up and want some let me know. I’ve decided that I am not going to have a weight loss goal for this week. I haven’t worked out because of the death ravaging my body and, I haven’t been particularly bad with food this week, I just don’t really feel like making food. I’ve decided I’m just gonna be happy with what I can get this week. I did look at bikinis while I was at Target today just for funsies, and I was completely intimidated. I’m not sure that I’ll ever look good in one of those things. There’s just such little fabric and so much body, just out there, for people to see…. it stresses me out. Hopefully I’ll be able to wear one and look decent once in my life, but only time will tell. And no one panic, next week I’ll be back to being a bad ass.

Twenty Six

This entry might have a little too much info for some of you, buuutt idgaf it’s my blog. With that said, allow me to exclaim the following: I AM HAVING DEATH CRAMPS CAUSED BY SATAN HIMSELF. Alllll day I have been doubled over in a tornado of profanity. That smile you see, it’s fake. It could be the fakest smile I have ever given. Eating breakfast was terrible. I had to force myself to eat because the thought of food was totally gross. But I have to eat or it’ll only make everything worse once my blood sugar gets too low. I’m not into it. I do want about 8372947 pounds of chocolate though. Work is going to blow. This is gonna be a week for the books. That’s about all I have for today… I could start talking about how excited I am to move out again, but I’ll spare you guys until I actually do move out. Expect annoying giddy entries then.

Twenty Five

Welllllll, I weighed myself today. My optimistic hopes for 4 pounds this week was completely destroyed. I only lost 2.4 pounds. It’s not that I don’t think that’s a good amount, it’s just not what my goal was. But, I am exactly 6 pounds away from 20 pounds, so I just have to lose 3 pounds each week for the next two weeks and I’ll have hit my goal for 20 pounds on time. I did have quite a few mess ups this last week. The beer, the snacks after giving blood, and last night I ate quit a big meal very late at night. I also have not been drinking enough water. I need to get back on top of that. And maybe not drink as much coffee. I’m pretty disappointed, but oh well. I’ve also started to accept that I might not be able to afford to go back to school until spring semester 2013. I am going to definitely try to get back in this fall, but I may need to just save this entire year so when I go back to school in the spring I’ll have saved up money for the months I come up short on funds because I’ll have to cut my work hours so drastically. We’ll see what happens. I’ve been looking at apartments online and I am so pumped for moving out. I can not wait to have my own space. I’ve already decided that the first thing I’m gonna get when I get my refund is the blush ruffle duvet I want from Urban Outfitters. I’ve wanted it for soooo long and once I move I’ll finally have a place that’s worthy of it’s perfectness. If I had it here the dogs would jump on it ooorrr the cat would roll around in it ooorrr it would smell like trailer the rest of my mom’s house. But it’s going to be amazing in my future room. Not really in the mood to go to work tonight, but gotta make that money. Fuck bitches.