BitterSweet

Oh man, Christmas is over. I feel relieved that it’s over, but it’s always a little sad. This was the most nontraditional Christmas of my entire life. Mom is gone up North so the house is empty, there was no Christmas Eve party at my grandma’s house for the first time in my life, I spent Christmas Day making dinner and playing hide and go seek with my best friends, and I didn’t get to see my grandpa because on his way up the my grandma’s this morning his brother called him and asked him to take him to the hospital because he was short of breath. He is scheduled for open heart surgery on January 4th, but they will probably do it within the next few days since he is having such complications. I am more worried about the effect it’s going to have on my grandpa if his brother dies than the fact that my great uncle might die. My grandpa is already depressed. He is either crying or flying off the handle and he isn’t in the best of health. He’s the only fatherly example I’ve ever had. When he dies, I will be so heart broken. But if he dies sad, I will live sad. All I can hope for is that he puts his pride aside and gets what he needs to be happy again… something besides Ambien. Another thing that was missing from this year was my best friend Bre. She’s my sister from another mister. With out her, I wouldn’t be half the person I am today. She’s in New Mexico, and obviously, that’s where I should be too. Even though this year was different from all the others, I got to spend the night at my grandma’s house, which I haven’t done since I was a child and it was amazing, I made a bitchin dinner for the boys I care for the most, and I played silly dumb games with my best friends and had the most fun I’ve had all month. Now I just gotta get through New Years. My resolution last year was, for once, to not have a stupid lame ass New Years this year and uhh, I don’t think that’s gonna happen. Pretty sure this is gonna be a sober, boring, “woo hoo midnight. Ok I’m goin home”, New  Years. Again. So if you’re planing to party down and get wasted, hit me up.. please.

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